Scared

Scared of the future

Scared of confronting the past

Scared of the present

Only one thing in common among those--fear. The future is NOT scary, the past is NOT scary. Fear distorts my view.

Today I realized that I'm actually terrified of confronting the past, confronting that feeling of worthlessness. Because you can't survive with that feeling, so you run from it. And that's what I did.

But today and yesterday, I stayed with it, for just a little while. My mind is telling me that's not enough. That's my mind trying to protect me, keep me from getting to it. Because if I felt proud of myself for staying with it, then I would keep staying with it, keep going in deeper to that very abandoned part of myself.

My affirmation for today: I accept that I try to run and rationalize staying away from my feelings of low self-worth, that I had to do that to survive and that pattern continues today. But I choose to move forward, to break that habit and get closer to my real self, the power within me.

In order to reach that place, I HAVE to feel this shame, pain, all of it. I HAVE to confront it and heal it. I HAVE to let that little girl inside me come out and grow into a beautiful, kind young woman.