I'm lost and confused tonight. I have no idea what I want to do career-wise, and it's starting to frighten me. I think what's really getting to me is a realization that up until now, I've been functioning out of insecurity. I feel like so much of my life has been a "lie," has been driven by things I'm not. I'm not my insecurities, and I'm so fucking tired of them keeping me from the real me.
They are so pervasive I'm even unaware of them. So ingrained in my unconscious that right now, I don't know what steps to take to begin to uncover them. How can I know what to do if there's a huge brick wall keeping me from getting that insight?
Someone told me that once you find it, insecurities and all that just aren't a factor. You just know and nothing gets in the way. I hope there's truth to that, because I would like to begin searching without having to constantly look over my shoulder to see if my insecurities are there, blinding me.
I'm tired of feeling lied to. I'm tired of feeling manipulated. I'm tired of feeling like I don't "get" it. I'm tired of a half-lived life. I want the truth of me. I want to find who I really am, underneath the pain, the insecurities, the wounds. More than I want to "release" all that stuff I want so badly to know who I really am.
Who Am I?
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