When I confronted my mom about my dad's drinking and how it made me feel, she cried. And she made a lot of excuses, none of which made me feel better. Perhaps the worst was when she said "he can't help it."
I'm afraid of opening up to her about my binge eating disorder, because she's so immature she'll think that about me. And I'm afraid of internalizing that.
How come some part of me can recognize my mom for being childlike and immature, yet another part still wants to be seen as "good."
I think the belief I have deep down is that I have to not be who I really am with her because there's something horrid and wretched about who I am. Something that will make all people leave me. Something that made my parents leave me, in their own way. So I have to separate myself from her. And me trying repeatedly to get back in touch with her feels pointless. I feel like it's all pointless sometimes.
No comments:
Post a Comment