I realized a deep-seated belief I have and have had for a long time--I believe there is something wrong with me. I run from my real self and don't open it up because I'm afraid if people knew certain things about me, then they too would see what is "wrong" with me. I try to "be" someone with no problems, someone who's accomplished, someone who's got it all under control. That's all an attempt to keep people at bay, and keep myself at bay from my real self.
I'm not sure of it's shame or what that stops me from opening up, but it's definitely not something that I want to believe about myself. Because, it's not true.
But here's what I learned--right now, it doesn't matter how "true" or "untrue" it is. What matters is what I believe, which creates my reality. If I believe that I am lovable and worthy of respect and that I am whole and good, just as I am, then that becomes my reality. If I believe that there is something wrong with me, then that also becomes my reality. The "truth" doesn't seem that relevant with this belief.
I think the scary thing is I can't just wave a wand over me and believe "There is nothing wrong with me." This belief is deep, and it will take a long time to believe otherwise. Scary again because it feels out of my control.
So I'm going to do some belief changing using what I know of Katie Byron's "The Work."
Belief: There's something wrong with me.
Is it true? Feels like it, yes.
Is it actually true? No, it's only "true" because I believe it to be.
Turn-around: I am whole, I am kind, I am loving. I am WHOLE, I deserve love and compassion. I am worthy of love an compassion.
Proof: My friends really come through for me when I am at my worst, they offer me more support and sympathy when I'm really upset. THey don't disconnect from me.
I am able to forgive and love others. I am ABLE to feel real love.
When I actually open up, I receive a stronger connection with the other person. They give me more love FOR opening up, not less. My parents didn't give me the love I needed when it came to what they were doing because they were afraid.
There is someone underneath all these limiting beliefs. I've met her, I've experienced her. She is real.
Link: http://beliefcloset.com/blog/
Blog titled "Shame, Vulnerability, and Connectedness"
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