Letter to myself/Quote

I"m in a weird place, and all that I can do right now is to let myself be where I am. Although, I'm not sure where I am.

I want to recover. I want to be happy. I want to be free of disordered eating for good, for life. I want to begin the rest of my life. I want to begin the transition into young adulthood. I want to start thinking about what I want out of a job, a relationship. I want to start MOVING towards that job, that relationship.

So now the question is: what is holding me back? Something inside me feels scared, scared of investing in goodness and happiness because I've had it taken away from me. And away. And away. It's hard to feel the excitement to move forward when what I feel right now are nerves, fear.

Here is what I have to say to myself: This reaction is normal, and it means things are changing. Don't give up, keep walking down this twisted road. Keep walking through the dark, keep pushing past obstacles. You WILL make it out to see the light of day. And you WILL know a happiness so whole and real that you'll never let it be taken away. It will be with you, always and forever. It is with you now. It's God, it's inside you. I know it.

Hang on. Just hang on, now, when it's hard. You will find something valuable by doing that. You're going to begin living a new life, and know new feelings and a new strength. You're going to do things you've never done. You HAVE TO, to get to the light. Not today, not tomorrow, but soon.

Here is a quote of what I know you can do, when you are ready:  
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." Eleanor Roosevelt


You are brave, you are courageous, you are kind, you are important. NOW. It's all there now. Don't be afraid. It's your fear that makes your fear come true. 


Do not be afraid. Look at the fear. See it. Hold it. Comfort it. Then step up and keep going. You CAN and you WILL do this. You WILL recover for good.