Binge

Binged today, triggered by something I actually suspected might be a trigger. I'm studying for this big, big test. During the past couple days I've been putting it off, for no other reason other than I just didn't feel like it. I knew there was some anxiety about it, pressure to study hard, pressure to do well, my own expectations I place on the score (if I do well I can do this and this and this that will lead to this and this, etc.).

Today I finally sat down to study. I felt really frustrated because I struggled with one of the sections. I could tell I wanted to binge, but I reminded myself that it wouldn't help my frustration. Then it was 1 o clock and time for lunch. I'd already planned my lunch, but while it was heating up I took a bite out of a donut (we had two in the house). The next thing I know I was scarfing them both down, and still ate my lunch. In the moment I couldn't stop it, but after my lunch I thought about still eating. Then I decided not to. I did stop it, I did make a choice.

Usually I would use this as an example of why I can't do this or that, but the truth is it's showing me that I have to work through some stuff so that I can do things like study for long periods of time and handle high-pressure situations. It's not that I shouldn't have studied, it's that I learned there's a lot of anxiety that will only get worse unless I face it, in the moment.

Affirmation: I confront and challenge my fears. Running from them only gives them more power over me.