Where to Start?

I don't know where to start. My goal is to reach 14 days of abstaining from binges. I didn't binge today, but I sensed myself going back to the same pattern as last week leading up to a binge. I baked pumpkin cookies for my dad's birthday, and gave myself permission to have some. But eating dough led to eating more, and then more, and then some icing...

I stopped myself. I met my calorie intake for the day because I ate more than I intended, so I know it's not ideal but I'm skipping dinner. What's really troubling me is this pattern of negative thoughts I'm experiencing. This must me what holds me back. It seems like everything around me makes me feel worthless. Things that happened at work, with one of my friends, with the cookies. I know I can't "will" myself out of this pattern, but I also know how troublesome it is that it's here. What can I do to prevent it in the future?

Today my mind is tired. I feel like I'm missing something with my recovery, that element of hope that will keep me going. I feel like I'm missing the mindset shift, and the scary part is it's not something I can control.

To break my binge-once-a-week pattern, I knew I would experience this. It's a block to keep me from getting to my second week, but to get there I have to experience this, accept it an remind myself of what's on the other side. On that other side is hope, joy, abundance. Some days I look outside, hear the wind blowing or see the trees and wish I could just relish in their beauty without my mind stopping me, without my life being all about food. That's what's on the other side--the little things. A walk in the park, a windy day, cozy fall nights, going through each day without thinking about food and being able to enjoy all the things that happen.

To get there, I have to experience these nights. I have to push through. I need a rock solid meal plan for tomorrow:

Breakfast-Egg and cheese sandwich
Snack: 1 granola bar, small glass of milk
Lunch: Avocado/chicken salad
Dinner: Curry and bread

Here's to hope and the other side