Two Weeks

Today marks two weeks without binges, as I set out to do. I'm proud of myself.

I'm having trouble enjoying the moment, because some intense anxiety has been weighing on me the last couple days. Most of it is coming from last year, feelings triggered by my working the last few days. Anxiety, I suppose feeling powerless and helpless.

I worked today, and have felt really low all day. I keep remembering last year, when I was basically thrown to the wolves in an intense work environment with little if any support. And I took it all in, feeling like a failure each step of the way, feeling like everything that went wrong was me. Even when other people were clearly responsible, I felt like it was me.

I don't want this anxiety to hold me back. I want to keep working, be able to work in any job without anxiety getting in the way. And that scares me too, not being able to do certain things because of anxiety. I can't go back in time to relive it and deal with the emotions. What can I do, to move on?

An affirmation for tonight: I am free, in command, moving forward.