I haven't reflected on my beauty challenge, so hear goes. Some times it's really hard to bring myself to the mirror to say it, but I've learned that those are the times when I need to the most. Those are the times when I'm feeling helpless, worthless, etc., and need to hear it.
I wish I could say there has been some great revelation from this, even after only five days. But the truth is, life feels pretty much the same. And I like it that way. I think I just need consistency. I may not feel any effects for a long time, or maybe there is some change that I'll never notice. Small things build up, and this is one very small thing.
I haven't stepped on a scale. That's hard. Not stepping on it doesn't eliminate disordered food thoughts. Again, maybe it's helping, but it's a small step. I still think a lot about food. I still struggle.
I want freedom. I want to be able to know who I am, to feel loved and accepted for who I really am, to feel valued and cherished for who I really am. For food to be food, sleep to be sleep, shelter to be shelter--all just basic needs.
I'm starving for real connection. How do I find it? This is really hard for me, I don't think I can do this one alone. So I'm praying to God for guidance.
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