Truth?

When you have negative beliefs, you find it hard to separate truth from fantasy. Because those beliefs dictate your reality, especially when you're not aware of those beliefs.

I'm admitting today that I have many negative beliefs. The ones I am aware of:

1) I am worthless
2) I'm not lovable
3) If people know the real me, they would reject me

As hard as I try to change my outside circumstances, I get nowhere without changing those beliefs. I find it ironic that the one thing I want the most (real connection, to feel accepted for who I really am) is also my biggest fear (of abandonment, rejection).

I know that God will help me see the truth, but I also know this will take a lot of work.

Nights like this, I feel helpless. I feel like I have so much work ahead of me. I feel like I don't know where to begin. I feel scared of beginning, knowing that my beliefs and fears will try to stop me. I feel afraid of being in my own head, because sometimes it feels like my own mind is working against me (the real me). I don't know what to do. I feel overwhelmed. I wish the answers were simple.

I've done so much in terms of growth, and I still feel like I'm getting nowhere. What's going to happen when my fears come up again? How will I fight it, how will I push through? What am I going to do? What about my dreams, my hopes? How can I make those come true? How can I live a full, happy, content life? How can I find love when it seems like so much of me fights against it?

I'm overwhelmed and scared and helpless.