“The voice I had accepted as Divine Guidance was actually the voice of my ego leading me right into destruction.” Iyanla Vanzant
When I came across this quote, I stopped paying attention to anything else, focusing only on this for a brief moment in time. Finally. I can articulate this fear.
During recovery, I keep hearing--and I know this to be true--that I must trust myself. That whatever I need to heal and recover fully is within me, that if I let go and trust myself I'll guide myself to healing, or some other version of this.
But something scared me, something held me back. It was my knowledge that in the past, I have truly believed that I was guiding myself to true healing. But I soon discovered that what I was listening to was not necessarily a spiritual self or God, but instead my ego that often led me to self-destruction. I feel it even now. And it scares me. I'm scared to be in my own head. I'm scared of my own thoughts, my extremely manipulative ego. I spent a year of my life feeling truly happy and blessed, and soon self-destructed. What was that? Why did that happen?
Where is God? I've learned I shouldn't question Him. So I'll reach out, and I'll ask Him for guidance. God, please guide me to my real self and to real love, please guide me to YOU. I know I must do my part too.
A few more quotes by the same person:
“Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.”
“Remain open. There is something bigger than you know going on here.”
“Your willingness to look at your darkness is what empowers you to change.”
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